Kind of feeling meh

Today is Monday, February 23,2015 and tomorrow I am going to weigh in again. I threw my back so I didn't get my exercise in for Saturday or Sunday. Funny, it used to be such a big deal for me to get off my ass and do anything and now without exercising for two days I kind of feel lost. Besides that, tomorrow is my weigh in day and I'm afraid that it won't show any weight loss. I've been pretty good with my eating but not perfect. Somehow being perfect on this has become important. I feel I need to be perfect in order to succeed at this even though it isn't the point. The point of this is to get healthy and along the way drop pounds and I need to accept that there will be days where I don't eat 100% healthy or I go over my calories of the day. It dosen't make me a bad person, it makes me human. But as easy as that was to type, the reality is I don't usually feel that way. I feel like if I stray I am weak and if I am weak I am a failure. I'm going to have to figure out a way to get over that issue. If any of you have struggled with that and have an answer I'd love to hear it. 

Temptress thy name is Chocolate

  So yeah, one day I ate 4 pieces of the See's chocolate that I got for Valentine's Day. The first time I had eaten any of it since receiving it actually. I had it sealed on my dresser until my husband decided to open it so he could have the scotch mallow inside. I didn't even touch it for days after it was opened but finally gave in to a small craving I had. At the end of the day I hadn't gone over my calories for that day but I still felt like I shouldn't have given in to the urge because I shouldn't have been so weak. This weight loss journey is turning into a bit more than just a need to get healthy and drop pounds. Its becoming a bit of a self exploration of my psyche as well. I am becoming aware of some of the issues I have with food and with myself.

 The issue of being perfect is a real one. I have always needed the approval of others because if others approve me, then I must not be as bad of a person as I believe I am. My validation of my own self worth seems to be reliant of what others think of me. Is that right? No, I shouldn't have to have other's approval or liking of me to have self worth. It's all tied into first my childhood with my parents and later in my marriage to an alcoholic who both mentally and physically abused me. I know I have a lot of issues that I need to tackle and they start with learning to love myself for me and finding out who I really am. I hope as I blog and move along this path of health and well being some of those things will be resolved and I will be a better stronger person.  

Again, thanks for reading and please take care of yourself.

 Rottie