I'm Fat

This is me, today February 21,2015. It's one month into my weight loss journey and yes, I  am FAT. I'm not chunky, or phat, or fluffy or any of the other cute acronyms for being overweight. I've used them all during my life and have said over and over that I am happy being big. The truth? I'm not. I never have been, and I never will be. I don't like me. Now that doesn't necessarily have to do with the weight or the body image. It has to do with a lot of things probably starting back before I was even conscious of it. Beyond the fact that I don't like me, I don't like being unhealthy. I have high blood pressure which I have to correct using pills. I have a hard time getting up off the floor if I have to get down there and do something. I breathe heavy when I walk outside more than a few minutes and I just generally worry about an early death.

I went to the doctor a month ago for a routine blood pressure check. Because I have hypertension I have to check in every 6 months to see how I am doing and make sure the meds are doing their job. I got on the scale and I knew, I mean I KNEW it was going to be bad. I had gone up a size in pants so that was one clue, and during the holidays, I sampled everything. We baked dozen's of cookies, a gingerbread house, a couple of cakes and some very large holiday dinners. So, it wasn't really a surprise that it was up but it was humiliating especially since the nurse that took my weight down was a thin young girl. She wasn't rude or anything and I'm sure this is in my head but I could almost see her clucking her tongue and going "Oh my god what a fatty". So, when my new nurse practitioner came in I told her I was sick of it and was going to start trying to change things. She was very empathetic and since she is a nutritionist she gave me some good pointers and a sense of power over my demons.

So, on January 28th 2015 I started my journey to get healthier. I decided that a pound a week would be a reasonable goal. It dosen't sound like much, especially when I have to lose over 100 lbs, closer to 120 pounds. God I hate typing that out! But a pound at a time will have me down 52 pounds in a year and will take about 2 and a half years to get to my ideal weight. I'm sure some weeks I will lose more than a pound and some weeks I will plateu and not lose anything but the main thing is I'm trying to change my life.

I started on my own, and the first couple of weeks I didn't lose more than a pound. In hindsight it was because A) I gave into some temptations that I shouldn't have B) I wasn't measuring my food servings, and C) I wasn't doing ANY exercise. Giving into temptations is going to happen. If I don't, I'll end up feeling deprived and give up and I do not want that. Measuring portions and getting out and moving, are musts though and they really aren't that difficult if you have the correct tools. I found an app on my tablet, that actually my brother suggested when I first started. Its called My Fitness Pal and its wonderful. I log honestly every day what I eat and what portion sizes. It has a huge database so practically anything you eat can be found, and if not you can input by a bar code scan or simply breaking down the components of the food.
It asks you your weight, height and age and then calculates your daily caloric goal to hit in order to achieve your weight loss. I am a 53 year old woman, I am 5 foot 3 inches tall and I weighed 264lbs when I started. (OUCH that hurt to admit) The app gave me a daily goal of 1700 calories which I think is nuts and it often yells at me because I go below my goal. I try to keep it at around 1200 to 1400 calories. Not only will it keep track of my calories, it will keep track of my exercise if I log it and the feature I love is that it keeps track of my nutrition. I can see how much sodium I have eaten, trans fat, saturated fat, iron, potassium, vitamins, and calcium. Since it does that for me, I can adjust what I eat and make healthier choices.

So today, February  21st I got on the scale and I am now down to 259. Still a big OUCH number but at least its moving in the right direction. Since I started the My Fitness Pal app I have lost 4 lbs. One more pound and its almost 5% of my goal. Thats like buying something and getting a 5% discount and we all love discounts. So, I am happy with my progress so far. Soon hopefully I can get back into those pants that I outgrew and then go down to even smaller sizes. It's not going to help on the loving myself front and maybe later I will touch on that in another blog. I have had so many things happen in my life that have shaped my self image starting from when I was a preteen. That, as I said, is for another blog otherwise I will be here all night. I don't want you dear friend to fall asleep from sheer boredom.

So ends my first blog post. I have put it out there and I own the fact that I am fat but working on it. I think most people won't even read past the first sentence but maybe some will find this helpful.  I'm doing this for me, but I could use all the support I can get. I hope you want to follow along with me. Knowing the way I enjoy writing, I'm sure there will be plenty of posts to read.

Rottie