Hell To Lose But So Easy To Gain! WHY???

I had set goals and kind of fell into a rut. I mean I had a job, and yes I did say HAD but I'll get into that in a bit. I was active 5 days out of the week and did develop some bad habits along the way. The thing was, although I wasn't dropping the weight like I was when I was eating better,  was still dropping and not gaining. In the beginning of September this year I was still at 217 lbs! Not below the 200 mark like I had anticipated but a hell of a lot further away from the 278 marker when I started this journey.

I was breathing better and my blood pressure is under control. I just went to the doctor's office on October 13th and my blood pressure was 116 / 80 and its been that way consistently for the past 6 months! I am in a size 14 pants in some cases and a 16/18 in most which is also a good thing. I was really moving in the right direction.

However in early September, I lost my job. I have to say it was fully my fault that I was let go. I made a mistake and it cost me. I won't go into the details but will own it and say it was all on me. This put me into a huge depression. I had loved that job. It was going to be my last job until I retired. I was good at what I did and all my co workers respected me. We were like a huge goofy family and to be honest I still miss them.

Losing my job sent me into an eating spiral as most things do. Somehow I equate food with my moods which I think a lot of us that have eating disorders do. First I stopped eating. I would pick at what was put in front of me much to the anger of my spouse, and force my self to eat at least one small meal. That lasted for around 4 days and then of course I went the other way. I started to binge eat and sneaky eat. I would hide candy under the bed and grab some when no one was around. It was not a pretty sight and I was not happy about what I was doing but at the same time I just didn't care either.

I had zero exercise which also is not good when you are trying to be healthy. I went from being active and moving most of the time, to being a huge couch potato. I was either plunked down in front of the television, or I was on my chair in front of facebook. So, binge eating plus no exercise equals weight gain! I got on the scale this morning and I am now at 226 so I have gained 9 pounds in the space of 2 months. Do you know how hard I am going to have to work to take that off? It is not going to be easy that is for sure!

So, along with all that not so good news, there is some good at well. I did find a job thanks to Indeed.com sending me emails of job openings every day. I applied to a bunch of stores hoping to find some retail seasonal work, and I had a few interviews. I am now gainfully employed as of October 28th. I am no longer sitting in front of the boob tube or computer all day long, and I am back to moving and eating better. Two days ago I actually helped 4 other women off load half of a semi truck with boxes. I have the bruises on my arms to prove it. So this is going to be some hard physical work along with cashiering. I am taking lunch which is mostly a Lean Cuisine frozen meal and water, and I think I am going to be able to get the weight moving back down. At least I hope I do.

Thanksgiving and Christmas season is right around the corner with their own roadblocks but I will tackle those as I get to them. We will see how productive I can be with the little time I have left til my birthday in January. I can't believe it will be two years since I started this come next February and I haven't hit my goal yet. I will get there though. There is no going back for me.

Been very stagnant lately

I haven't shared in a while so I guess its time to bite the bullet and be honest. Putting it out here makes it real and makes me face facts. I HAVE BEEN BACK SLIDING! I haven't gained anything and I attribute that to the fact that I am working and on my feet moving 8 hours a shift, but my eating habits have become a bit atrocious.

I work at CVS Pharmacy and I am subject to a lot of temptation. There are cookies, and candy, and chips and all sorts of evils. At first I was pretty good at avoiding them and sticking to my plan, but once I achieved that 50 lbs goal, I gave myself a little permission to have a few indulgences. Well to be honest, I have been indulging since January and it is time to stop. My goal of reaching 25lbs by July is not going to happen as I didn't lose anything. Right now, I am at 221.8 lbs. Actually I am shocked that it is as light as it is. I was certain I was going to be around 225 or more. I have stopped eating the high protein yogurts and have been eating crap like Bugels, pretzels, and Pringles...damn you salt cravings!

Today I got on the scale, the first time since March, and decided ENOUGH! No more backsliding and no more indulging on junk. I am getting back to being healthy because I was liking how I felt dang it. I felt like I was achieving something and heading down the road to better health. Lately I have been feeling tired and depressed and I am sure that my bad eating has attributed to some of these feelings. So, I am going forward full steam. Back to weighing myself at least weekly, and getting back to good fats, proteins, and veggies. I hope to have a better report for you soon.

I did it! Year goal accomplished!! Whoot Whoot!

I got on the scale this morning. I haven't gotten on it since January 9th, and at the point I still had those pesky 2 lbs to go. I got through the Holiday Season fairly well this year. I curtailed the sugar cookies which are a huge downfall for me. I maintained my salad and light Greek yogurt regiment and mostly ignored the pumpkin pie, left over stuffing, candy canes, and other holiday demons.

I wasn't an angel by any means. I had a slice of pie with whipped cream. I had maybe 6 sugar cookies total over the seven week span between Thanksgiving and the New Year. Full Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners complete with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, eggnog and the like so I didn't miss out on anything.
The difference was as soon as the dinner was over, that was it. I didn't let a one day indulgence turn into a seven week food fest. I had to learn to balance and the truth of it is, I didn't have the cravings this year.

There is also the fact that I am working again. Now that I have a pedometer ( and I recommend everyone get one), I see that on average I walk 2 to 3 miles a day at work. Now that isn't much really in the huge scheme of things, but it burns about 200 calories. What the pedometer doesn't take into consideration is the lifting, bending, and other exercising I am also getting at work. At first it killed me at the end of a shift. Advil was fast becoming my best friend because it was the only thing to stop the muscle ache. Now, I can work an 8 hour shift and come home fine. I have toned up my muscles and they are not nearly as sore as t hey were in the beginning.

The thing is, I set a goal, and I met that goal. This is the first time in years where I accomplished a weight loss without giving up. I didn't starve myself (that doesn't work), and I found a way to exercise. I have changed so much in the past year both physically and mentally. Best of all I have dropped 3 sizes in clothing which is a great ego booster!

My next goal is to lose another 25 by July 25th and ultimately 50 by my next birthday January 25th 2017! That will mean I lost 100lbs in 2 years and I will finally be out of the 200's. The last time I was below 200 was in 1989 when I got pregnant with my last child. I am excited to be on this second leg of my journey and I invite you all to come along for the ride.

If I have inspired you, I am happy. I can't make anyone join me. You have to get to the point where you really want to do this for you. Make sure you are doing it for all the right reasons and that you WANT to do it. Don't let anyone influence your decision, especially society. Society wants us all to be Victoria Secret model sizes and guess what...ain't happening. Beauty is beauty and it comes in all shapes and sizes. Marilyn Monroe was a bigger gal and who doesn't think she was sexy? To me, true beauty radiates from within yourself. It is confidence in loving who you are and how you present yourself to others. But I am getting off track here...what I was trying to say is don't do it because you think it will make you sexier, do it for health. That was the reason I did it and I can tell you my blood pressure has dropped back to normal, I can walk more than a block without sounding like a tea kettle, and I just feel better. If I can do it, anyone can. Baby steps, one at a time, will lead you down the path faster than you realize it.

So that is it for this time dear readers. I thank you for your encouragement and continued support and please know I could not do it without all of you in my corner.

Rottie