Sunday, November 6, 2016

Hell To Lose But So Easy To Gain! WHY???

I had set goals and kind of fell into a rut. I mean I had a job, and yes I did say HAD but I'll get into that in a bit. I was active 5 days out of the week and did develop some bad habits along the way. The thing was, although I wasn't dropping the weight like I was when I was eating better,  was still dropping and not gaining. In the beginning of September this year I was still at 217 lbs! Not below the 200 mark like I had anticipated but a hell of a lot further away from the 278 marker when I started this journey.

I was breathing better and my blood pressure is under control. I just went to the doctor's office on October 13th and my blood pressure was 116 / 80 and its been that way consistently for the past 6 months! I am in a size 14 pants in some cases and a 16/18 in most which is also a good thing. I was really moving in the right direction.

However in early September, I lost my job. I have to say it was fully my fault that I was let go. I made a mistake and it cost me. I won't go into the details but will own it and say it was all on me. This put me into a huge depression. I had loved that job. It was going to be my last job until I retired. I was good at what I did and all my co workers respected me. We were like a huge goofy family and to be honest I still miss them.

Losing my job sent me into an eating spiral as most things do. Somehow I equate food with my moods which I think a lot of us that have eating disorders do. First I stopped eating. I would pick at what was put in front of me much to the anger of my spouse, and force my self to eat at least one small meal. That lasted for around 4 days and then of course I went the other way. I started to binge eat and sneaky eat. I would hide candy under the bed and grab some when no one was around. It was not a pretty sight and I was not happy about what I was doing but at the same time I just didn't care either.

I had zero exercise which also is not good when you are trying to be healthy. I went from being active and moving most of the time, to being a huge couch potato. I was either plunked down in front of the television, or I was on my chair in front of facebook. So, binge eating plus no exercise equals weight gain! I got on the scale this morning and I am now at 226 so I have gained 9 pounds in the space of 2 months. Do you know how hard I am going to have to work to take that off? It is not going to be easy that is for sure!

So, along with all that not so good news, there is some good at well. I did find a job thanks to Indeed.com sending me emails of job openings every day. I applied to a bunch of stores hoping to find some retail seasonal work, and I had a few interviews. I am now gainfully employed as of October 28th. I am no longer sitting in front of the boob tube or computer all day long, and I am back to moving and eating better. Two days ago I actually helped 4 other women off load half of a semi truck with boxes. I have the bruises on my arms to prove it. So this is going to be some hard physical work along with cashiering. I am taking lunch which is mostly a Lean Cuisine frozen meal and water, and I think I am going to be able to get the weight moving back down. At least I hope I do.

Thanksgiving and Christmas season is right around the corner with their own roadblocks but I will tackle those as I get to them. We will see how productive I can be with the little time I have left til my birthday in January. I can't believe it will be two years since I started this come next February and I haven't hit my goal yet. I will get there though. There is no going back for me.

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