Hell To Lose But So Easy To Gain! WHY???

I had set goals and kind of fell into a rut. I mean I had a job, and yes I did say HAD but I'll get into that in a bit. I was active 5 days out of the week and did develop some bad habits along the way. The thing was, although I wasn't dropping the weight like I was when I was eating better,  was still dropping and not gaining. In the beginning of September this year I was still at 217 lbs! Not below the 200 mark like I had anticipated but a hell of a lot further away from the 278 marker when I started this journey.

I was breathing better and my blood pressure is under control. I just went to the doctor's office on October 13th and my blood pressure was 116 / 80 and its been that way consistently for the past 6 months! I am in a size 14 pants in some cases and a 16/18 in most which is also a good thing. I was really moving in the right direction.

However in early September, I lost my job. I have to say it was fully my fault that I was let go. I made a mistake and it cost me. I won't go into the details but will own it and say it was all on me. This put me into a huge depression. I had loved that job. It was going to be my last job until I retired. I was good at what I did and all my co workers respected me. We were like a huge goofy family and to be honest I still miss them.

Losing my job sent me into an eating spiral as most things do. Somehow I equate food with my moods which I think a lot of us that have eating disorders do. First I stopped eating. I would pick at what was put in front of me much to the anger of my spouse, and force my self to eat at least one small meal. That lasted for around 4 days and then of course I went the other way. I started to binge eat and sneaky eat. I would hide candy under the bed and grab some when no one was around. It was not a pretty sight and I was not happy about what I was doing but at the same time I just didn't care either.

I had zero exercise which also is not good when you are trying to be healthy. I went from being active and moving most of the time, to being a huge couch potato. I was either plunked down in front of the television, or I was on my chair in front of facebook. So, binge eating plus no exercise equals weight gain! I got on the scale this morning and I am now at 226 so I have gained 9 pounds in the space of 2 months. Do you know how hard I am going to have to work to take that off? It is not going to be easy that is for sure!

So, along with all that not so good news, there is some good at well. I did find a job thanks to Indeed.com sending me emails of job openings every day. I applied to a bunch of stores hoping to find some retail seasonal work, and I had a few interviews. I am now gainfully employed as of October 28th. I am no longer sitting in front of the boob tube or computer all day long, and I am back to moving and eating better. Two days ago I actually helped 4 other women off load half of a semi truck with boxes. I have the bruises on my arms to prove it. So this is going to be some hard physical work along with cashiering. I am taking lunch which is mostly a Lean Cuisine frozen meal and water, and I think I am going to be able to get the weight moving back down. At least I hope I do.

Thanksgiving and Christmas season is right around the corner with their own roadblocks but I will tackle those as I get to them. We will see how productive I can be with the little time I have left til my birthday in January. I can't believe it will be two years since I started this come next February and I haven't hit my goal yet. I will get there though. There is no going back for me.

Been very stagnant lately

I haven't shared in a while so I guess its time to bite the bullet and be honest. Putting it out here makes it real and makes me face facts. I HAVE BEEN BACK SLIDING! I haven't gained anything and I attribute that to the fact that I am working and on my feet moving 8 hours a shift, but my eating habits have become a bit atrocious.

I work at CVS Pharmacy and I am subject to a lot of temptation. There are cookies, and candy, and chips and all sorts of evils. At first I was pretty good at avoiding them and sticking to my plan, but once I achieved that 50 lbs goal, I gave myself a little permission to have a few indulgences. Well to be honest, I have been indulging since January and it is time to stop. My goal of reaching 25lbs by July is not going to happen as I didn't lose anything. Right now, I am at 221.8 lbs. Actually I am shocked that it is as light as it is. I was certain I was going to be around 225 or more. I have stopped eating the high protein yogurts and have been eating crap like Bugels, pretzels, and Pringles...damn you salt cravings!

Today I got on the scale, the first time since March, and decided ENOUGH! No more backsliding and no more indulging on junk. I am getting back to being healthy because I was liking how I felt dang it. I felt like I was achieving something and heading down the road to better health. Lately I have been feeling tired and depressed and I am sure that my bad eating has attributed to some of these feelings. So, I am going forward full steam. Back to weighing myself at least weekly, and getting back to good fats, proteins, and veggies. I hope to have a better report for you soon.

I did it! Year goal accomplished!! Whoot Whoot!

I got on the scale this morning. I haven't gotten on it since January 9th, and at the point I still had those pesky 2 lbs to go. I got through the Holiday Season fairly well this year. I curtailed the sugar cookies which are a huge downfall for me. I maintained my salad and light Greek yogurt regiment and mostly ignored the pumpkin pie, left over stuffing, candy canes, and other holiday demons.

I wasn't an angel by any means. I had a slice of pie with whipped cream. I had maybe 6 sugar cookies total over the seven week span between Thanksgiving and the New Year. Full Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners complete with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, eggnog and the like so I didn't miss out on anything.
The difference was as soon as the dinner was over, that was it. I didn't let a one day indulgence turn into a seven week food fest. I had to learn to balance and the truth of it is, I didn't have the cravings this year.

There is also the fact that I am working again. Now that I have a pedometer ( and I recommend everyone get one), I see that on average I walk 2 to 3 miles a day at work. Now that isn't much really in the huge scheme of things, but it burns about 200 calories. What the pedometer doesn't take into consideration is the lifting, bending, and other exercising I am also getting at work. At first it killed me at the end of a shift. Advil was fast becoming my best friend because it was the only thing to stop the muscle ache. Now, I can work an 8 hour shift and come home fine. I have toned up my muscles and they are not nearly as sore as t hey were in the beginning.

The thing is, I set a goal, and I met that goal. This is the first time in years where I accomplished a weight loss without giving up. I didn't starve myself (that doesn't work), and I found a way to exercise. I have changed so much in the past year both physically and mentally. Best of all I have dropped 3 sizes in clothing which is a great ego booster!

My next goal is to lose another 25 by July 25th and ultimately 50 by my next birthday January 25th 2017! That will mean I lost 100lbs in 2 years and I will finally be out of the 200's. The last time I was below 200 was in 1989 when I got pregnant with my last child. I am excited to be on this second leg of my journey and I invite you all to come along for the ride.

If I have inspired you, I am happy. I can't make anyone join me. You have to get to the point where you really want to do this for you. Make sure you are doing it for all the right reasons and that you WANT to do it. Don't let anyone influence your decision, especially society. Society wants us all to be Victoria Secret model sizes and guess what...ain't happening. Beauty is beauty and it comes in all shapes and sizes. Marilyn Monroe was a bigger gal and who doesn't think she was sexy? To me, true beauty radiates from within yourself. It is confidence in loving who you are and how you present yourself to others. But I am getting off track here...what I was trying to say is don't do it because you think it will make you sexier, do it for health. That was the reason I did it and I can tell you my blood pressure has dropped back to normal, I can walk more than a block without sounding like a tea kettle, and I just feel better. If I can do it, anyone can. Baby steps, one at a time, will lead you down the path faster than you realize it.

So that is it for this time dear readers. I thank you for your encouragement and continued support and please know I could not do it without all of you in my corner.

Rottie

You CAN do it...baby steps is the key to success.

I have been seeing so many posts on social media lately about how people have gained so much weight and are sick of themselves. They post that they have 25lbs, 50lbs, or like me even 100lbs to lose and are stuck on the big numbers looming over them. It is so scary when you look at the whole picture, and it can be darn right discouraging. "I'll never lose all that weight!" And, if you look at it that way, you are right! You won't lose it because you are setting yourself up for failure! I have been down that road! I have done any number of diets and lose weight quick products. The thing is they really don't work. The best thing to do and remember is BABY STEPS!

 Baby steps has been the only way I could face what I am doing to get myself healthy. I don't think of it as a diet. I certainly don't think of it as a way to make myself look good for my man or fit into smaller clothes, or feel better about myself as a human being. If you don't love yourself at 200lbs, you are not gonna love yourself any more at 120. You will just find a different thing about yourself to hate on. LOVE YOU FOR YOU! Don't let anyone tell you that you are not beautiful or sexy or whatever you need to hear. The only person you need to impress is yourself.

 Ok.... so back to the baby steps thing. I am going to say this again...Do not look at the big picture and get discouraged. Set a small realistic goal and meet it. I use 5 pounds as a goal. It is big enough to make an impact on the scale but not so big that I can't do it. And every time you hit a goal celebrate it big time! If you have someone that knows you are getting healthy, tell them you hit your goal! Write it down on the calendar, or treat yourself to a non food item! Whatever it takes to make you feel like a winner ( and you are) do it.

 Don't beat yourself up either! This is a big one to learn. We all screw up, no one is perfect. So you wanted some of that halloween candy that is all around you. Have a little and move on. You are not a failure because a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup went down your throat. I eat Chinese food once a month, I have sugar free ice cream probably 3 times a week and I have still lost weight. Now, don't go off the deep end and sabotage yourself if you can help it, but even if you go on a week's eating binge and gain a couple its OK. Just get back on the healthy road and continue. Again the only person you will hurt with these negative thoughts is yourself. Learn to forgive yourself and love yourself. 

 Learn to log all your food so you can see what is healthy for you and what isn't. This is extremely important. You need to journal it all and you need to weigh the portions if possible. A kitchen scale has been my new best friend. You may think you are eating a small portion of something, or one serving and when you weigh it out, it is more. Also sub out not so healthy foods for better ones when you can. I have learned to love Oikos Triple Zero Greek Yogurt. Where I used to down 2 Hot Pockets and a couple of bags of chips, I now eat a carton of greek yogurt and a cut up apple for lunch. Instead of a huge tuna sandwich with tons of mayo on a roll, I eat a scoop of tuna with little or no mayo mixed into a salad for lunch or dinner. You can do it, lose weight and not starve yourself.

 You will figure out what works for you as you go along. I was not a water drinker and I still don't like plain water. But I found I could take 2 ounces of Arizona Zero Green Tea and 20 ounces of water and drink it. I now drink 3 or 4 bottles of a water tea blend every day and have given up my Diet Dr. Pepper. I have also given up a lot of beef. Not because of any real health reason, but because of the cost. I love chicken and it is healthier for me anyway so I eat chicken probably 3 to 4 days a week. I also eat lean pork again because it is cheaper than beef. My salads used to be romaine, shredded carrots, and cherry tomatoes. Good but very boring to eat. Now they have broccoli, cauliflower, cucumber, red bell pepper, onion, and the romaine lettuce and shredded carrots. By changing it up the flavors are different and I am getting more fiber and vitamins than I was getting before.

 Lastly get out and move! I have started a new job in the last month in retail so I am now on my feet 6 to 8 hours a day 4 days a week. All I am doing is standing and walking around the store, but it has upped my weight loss. I have lost an average of 2 lbs a week since I started. Now I am not saying walk for 6 to 8 hours, that is crazy but do something a few times a week. Even just dancing around the house is moving and will help boost your metabolism and help tone you up. Do something you like to do and can be consistent at. It will be hard at first and maybe you can't do more than 5 minutes. That is OK! Don't beat yourself up or feel like a failure. It is more than you were doing and you will build up. Again....baby steps.

 Ok, that is it for today. Your mission is to set small goals, log your food, get up and move a little, take baby steps in everything and LOVE YOU FOR YOU! Btw as of today I am down 39.7 lbs. I am at 235.7 and my next goal is 230! May treat myself to some smaller pants at that point. I will let you know! xoxoxoxoxox to you all. 

Time for an update on my progress

It has been about 2 months since I posted. I am sure most of you have forgotten me or figured I gave up. NOPE I just haven't had much to report. I went to the doctor in July as I think I already blogged and I was at 251lbs. In the last 2 months I managed to lose another 10 pounds and get to 241. Actually, I did that in the first 6 weeks but was really struggling the last two weeks to get below 240 which was another small goal of mine.

Remember, I try and set a yearly goal of 50lbs and then break it down into two 6 month goals of 25lbs each. Then I break those 25lb goals into smaller goals of 5lbs at a time. 5 lbs is totally doable in my mind and it feels good to celebrate each small goal I meet. I really try not to focus on the big picture because then it sometimes feels discouraging. But anyway, I was struggling to get to the 240 mark and was really getting pissed off because I would almost hit it, then go up a pound or 8 oz then back down. I felt like my body was teasing me. I tried cutting back on my food, and that didn't work plus I was feeling deprived when I did that. It was just a very frustrating 2 weeks.

So, out of the blue I got a phone call about a job that I had applied for two months before. I hadn't heard back so I figured that I was too old and they didn't want me. It was a part time cashier job at our local CVS Pharmacy at minimum wage pay. I have been out of work for 2 years and have been relentless in my pursuit of employment. So, they called me in for an interview and I got the job! Last week I had my new colleague orientation, and I had my first 4 hour shift on Wednesday. It is a very busy job and I am entirely on my feet for 4 to 6 hours depending on my shift. So I jumped on the scale today after a week of work. Lo and behold, it FINALLY DROPPED! I hit the 238.6 mark this morning! Not only did I hit the 240 mark but I went below it. I lost 3 pounds in a week!

So yeah I am pretty stoked this morning. My new small goal now is 235lbs and I am getting closer to my second 25lb goal for the year. I have 14lbs to go to hit my 50lbs by my birthday in January and 3.5 months to do it. I am certain I am going to hit it and might even hit it earlier than that. Maybe my Christmas present to me will be new smaller clothes. We will have to see what happens but it feels like good things are happening to me on many different fronts. New job and a new me for the foreseeable future.

The moral of the story my friends is do not give up your fight. If something isn't working and you are stuck then try something new. Change up your exercise routine, go for a hike, drink more water, dance in the rain or whatever else you can try. If you are watching your food intake, drinking water and exercising you are taking care of you. The rest will follow, but sometimes things just slow down. Eventually it will catch up with you and start moving again.

Rottie

Trying to give up refined carbs on my journey

This post includes a review of oatmeal that I received for free in exchange for an honest review. All opinions of this oatmeal are my own. 

I have been reading a great book on how my metabolism works and how to get it to optimal performance. It has lots of information about food intolerances and how the thyroid works. Some of the information I have read before, and other bits were brand new. One of the chapters I have read was about cutting out refined carbohydrates. I have heard this before and in fact while on the South Beach Diet, I did in fact cut down not just on refined carbs but ALL carbs. It is a difficult thing to do as I am a bonafide carboholic. I love my breads, pastas, rice, potatoes, corn, and most other things loaded in carbs.

I have decided now to try and I do stress TRY to cut out the unnecessary carbs from my diet. I am going to continue to eat fruit, which we all know contains natural sugars and carbohydrates, because it contains needed fiber and nutrients. I am going to cut the starchy stuff down so less potatoes, more brown rice and bye bye corn on the cob. I am also going to try and have more whole grains in my diet by eating whole grain breads and cereals. I have found a wonderful whole grain hot oatmeal called Umpqua Kick Start and it is really delicious. The first ingredient is whole rolled groats and yes that it GROATS, not oats misspelled. I looked up groats on Wikipedia because I had never heard of it. The definition is as follows, "Groats are whole grains that include the cereal germ and fiber-rich bran portion of the grain as well as the endosperm (which is the usual product of milling)." So those little rolled groats are incredibly good for your body.

I had my first bowl today and I can not stop talking about it. It was so tasty and full of cranberries, blueberries, almonds and sunflower seeds. The different textures combined with the groats really worked in my mouth. It also has a nice cinnamon flavor to it that is not too sweet. This is a non GMO product so I know that it is one of the good ones. I have a video review that I did on YouTube which you will see in a few minutes. Look at  how good it looks even before I add the water. It is really easy to fix too which is nice for those on the go. You can use the microwave but the preferred way and the way I prepared it is just as easy. Just add hot water into the cup just covering the oats, cover and let it steep for 3 minutes. Then just open the cover and enjoy. You will really like the way they taste. You can find them on their website at www.umpquaoats.com  or on Amazon at http://umpqua-oats.myshopify.com/products/kick-start  you will not regret trying this oatmeal. It is that good.

Leg 2 of my journey begins today

So, I went to the doctor today as planned. This was the 6th month of my losing weight journey and I was both excited and nervous. I wanted to show her that I am taking this very seriously, but I was nervous because I wasn't sure if my home scale was in synch with the doctor's scale. When I walked into that office on January 27th 2015 I tipped the scale at 274.5 lbs. That was my wake up call and as you recall the beginning of this trek to become fitter.

Today I walked in and when I got on the scale it read 251.5 lbs. Not the total 25lbs I had hoped for, but a solid  23 lbs down which was great. I have been bouncing between 248 and 253 the last 3 weeks and I am fully confidant that I will hit the 25lb mark or more by my birthday next January. I feel good that I am losing it even if it is in small steps. I am healthier in the way I eat, the way I have tried to exercise, and the way I have upped my water intake. There are some things that I have back slid on since the operation in May and I need to get back on track.

I have to cut the ice cream down again. I have gotten into a habit of eating a bowl of low fat sugar free ice cream every night. I have allowed myself this because I have fooled myself into thinking that it isn't that bad. No, it isn't "that bad" it is 100 calories for a half cup of ice cream and I eat a cup so its 200 calories. But it is 200 calories of something I don't really need. I can have a cup of sugar free jello and that is only 10 calories. Better yet, I can eat a tangerine (35 calories) full of fiber or a cup of non fat yogurt, or not eat anything at all. It isn't that I am hungry, it is that everyone else in the house is indulging and I want to also. So I know I need to get that in check so I can continue to lose.

The other thing is I need to get more active. Getting off the computer and sitting on the deck with my music is not being active. I have been using the excuse that it is too hot to exercise but that has to change. I just need to work out early in the morning or later in the evening when it is cooler and stop being lazy. Those two things are my new goals to accomplish. Stop with the ice cream and up the exercise and change up the time I work out. Once I get those two things under control, I think I will start losing weight again.